Shareware Extravaganza 7/Shareware Extravaganza 8 (Most Significant Bits) (Disc 7).iso/win95b/wisdom32.zip/QUOTES.DAT

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100,000 lemmings can't be wrong. #donated by Tubal Cain

A bachelor can only chase a girl until she catches him.

A banker is a person who lends you an umbrella when it is dry and
asks for it back when it starts raining.

A Black Belt is a person who holds life and death in their hands -
and can choose either. #donated by Stephen Sonsie

A bird in hand is safer than one overhead.

A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.

A committee. When all is said and done, 90% is said, and 10% is done.

A commuter is one who never knows how a show comes out because he has to
leave early to catch a train to get him back to the country in time to catch a train
to bring him back to the city.

A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people
who were made redundant by the computer.

A cynic is what an idealist calls a realist.

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never
remembers her age.

A dirty book is seldom dusty.

A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.

A formal briefing is like an avalanche. A high level snow job of massive and
overwhelming proportions.

A highbrow is a person educated beyond his intelligence.

A long dispute means that both parties are wrong.

A lost property office is for people to return things they find and don't want.

A man's mother is his misfortune, his wife is his fault.

A perpetual holiday is a good working definition of hell.

A person's character is but half formed till after wedlock.

A pessimist counting his blessings: 10 ... 9 ... 8 ... 7 ...

A pessimist is one who feels bad when he feels good for fear he'll feel worse when
he feels better.

A pessimist is somebody who complains about the noise when opportunity knocks.

A piece of wire cut to length will be too short.

A political leader must keep looking over his shoulder all the time to see if the boys
are still there. If they aren't still there, he's no longer a political leader.

A politician has to be able to see both sides of an issue, so he can get around it.

A politician is a man who stands for what he thinks the voters will fall for.

A politician is an acrobat - he keeps his balance by saying the opposite of what he
does.

A poor excuse is better than no excuse at all.

A rumour without a leg to stand on will get around some other way.

A Scottish gift: "It's nae use to me, ye're welcome to it."

A statesman is a politician ten or fifteen years after he's dead.

A statesman is what politicians call themselves.

A stitch in time saves embarrassment.

A taxpayer is someone who doesn't have to take a public service exam to work for
the government.

A verbal contract is not worth the paper it's written on.

A yawn is a silent shout.

Absolute zero is cool.

Abstinence is the thin end of the pledge.

Age is a high price to pay for maturity.

All human acts involve more chance than decision.

All sunshine makes the desert.

All this beer drinking will be the urination of me.

All you need is love.

All's well that ends.

Always look for the calculations that go with a calculated risk.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

Amnesia rules, O...

Among the runners finishing last was an older man wearing a T-shirt that
proclaimed 'Abominably Slow Man.'

An adult is one who has ceased to grow vertically but not horizontally.

An alcoholic is a person who drinks more than his doctor does.

An election year is the time politicians want to help us out of all the trouble they
got us into in the first place.

An elephant is only a mouse built to council specifications.

An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made, in a very
narrow field.

An expert is someone who knows more and more about less and less until he
knows everything about nothing.

An honest answer can get you into a lot of trouble.

An independent is the guy who wants to take the politics out of politics.

An oak tree is just a nut that held its ground.

An unbreakable toy is good for breaking other toys.

Anybody who has any doubt about the ingenuity or the resourcefulness
of a plumber never got a bill from one.

Adam met Eve and turned over a new leaf.


Analysing humour is like analysing a frog: you can do it, but the frog tends to die
in the process.

Anarchy, no rules, OK?

And in the end the love you take, is equal to the love you make. #donated by
Fennis Prokop

Anger is never without reason, but seldom with a good one.

Any fool can criticise, and many of them do.

Any given program will expand to fit all available memory.

Any given program, when running, is obsolete.

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

Anyone can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.

Apathy: never mind over don't matter.

As God as my witness, I am innocent - But he won't be there at the committal
proceedings.

As knowledge increases, wonder deepens.

As long as you can still be disappointed you are still young.

Australian Rules Football may best be described as a game devised for padded
cells, played in the open air.

Awkward Age: The period lasting from birth until death.

Babies speak in many languages before they find one that grown-ups understand.

Be alert. Your country needs lerts.

Be saftey conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents.

Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.

Before honour is humility.

Before you meet your handsome prince you have to kiss a lot of toads.


Behind every argument is someone's ignorance.

Ben Lexcen only went to school for three years, so he never learnt that some
things are impossible.

Beware the man who slaps you on the back - he is probably trying to make you
cough up something.

Beware of half-truths - you may have the wrong half.

Jack and Jill did it for the insurance.

Boys will be boisterous.

Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.

Briefcase: A trial where the jury gets together and forms a lynching party.

Bring back the Sixties.

Build a system that even a fool can use and only a fool will want to use it.

Bureaucracy rules. If its OK with the boss.

Buy old masters. They fetch a better price than old mistresses.

Capitalism is the exploitation of man by man. Communism is the reverse.

Castles in the air cost a great deal to keep up.

Celibacy is not hereditary.

Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

Cheer up, you'll soon be dead.

Chicken Little only has to be right once.

Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore and that's what parents were created
for.

Classical music is the kind that you keep thinking will turn into a tune.

Common sense is that collection of prejudices aquired by age eighteen.
Einstein.


Competence, like truth, beauty and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.

Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that
just don't add up. #donated by Ksenon Prokop

Computers have made it possible to make a thousand mistakes every second.

Consensus rules - if that's OK with you.

Contemplating suicide? Drink French polish. Horrible death, beautiful finish.

If it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't.
That's logic. #donated by Garnish Haspoth

Dead people are cool.

Death is hereditary.

Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down.

Democracy is the least satisfactory form of government, except for all the others.

Democracy is too good to share with just anybody.

Democracy rules 40% OK, 45% NO, 15% Don't know.

Dieting is when the days seem longer and the meals shorter.

Diplomat: an unwise thing to call "Knuckles" Lomat.

Do not adjust your mind, there is a fault in reality.

Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes and no.

Dogmatism is puppyism come to its full growth.

Donald Duck isn't all he's quacked up to be.

Don't be the first to use it: pioneers live in mud huts.

Don't believe in superstition - it brings bad luck.

Don't confuse me with the facts - my mind is made up.

Don't ever stand up to be counted or someone will take your seat.


Don't mark the spot where you bury the hatchet.

Don't vote. You'll only encourage them.

Down with gravity.

Drink wet cement and get really stoned.

Dyslexia lures, KO

Education is what you get from reading the small print; experience is what you get
from not reading it.

Egotism is the anaesthetic that dulls the pain of stupidity.

Ejukashun never dun me no good.

Eunuchs unite - you have nothing to lose.

Even bargains cost money.

Everybody thinks himself well-bred.

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody is looking.

Everyone wants a bus service to their door, but no one wants a bus service in their
street.

Examine what is said, not him who speaks.

Existentialism has no future.

Experience: A comb life gives you after you lose your hair.

Few men have virtue to withstand the highest bidder.

Fight for the right to pretend to work.

Fighting for peace is a contradiction in terms.

Flower Power rules, bouquet.

Fools rush in where fools have been before.

Foot: A politician's pacifier.


For successful propaganda you need proper geese.

Fortress: A female fort.

Fortune is like the market, where many times, if you can stay a little, the price will
fall.

Friends may come and friends may go but enemies accumulate.

General notions are generally wrong. #donated by Rob Rankin

Genius is born, not paid.

Genius is patience.

Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration.

Geography is everywhere.

Give sadists a fair crack of the whip.

God bless atheism.

Good-nature and good sense are usually companions.

Guarantee: A legal vehicle which expires on the same day as your mechanical one.

Guy Fawkes was the sanest man who ever went into the Houses of Parliament and
look what happened to him.

Guy Fawkes where are you now that we need you?

"Hamlet" is just a bunch of quotations strung together.

Happiness is not what you experience but what you remember.

Hari-kiri takes some guts.

Have a lovely day, dear friend.

He does not believe that does not live according to his belief.

He made no friend who never made a foe.

He said he was dying of fast women, slow horses, crooked cards and straight
whisky.

He that has many friends, has no friends.

He that maketh haste to be rich shall not be innocent.

He was a bold man that first ate an oyster.

He was like a cock who thought the sun had risen to hear him crow.

He who hesitates is bossed.

He who hesitates is sometimes saved.

He who possesses most must be most afraid of loss.

He who throws dirt loses ground.

He who uses bad language is an ignorant schmuck.

Hell hath no fury like a vested interest masquerading as a moral principle.

Home is where, if you have no place to go, they gotta take you in.

Home is where the television is.

Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul.

Hope: Enjoyment of the future in advance.

How can I know what I think until I hear what I say?

How come there's only one Monopolies Commission?

How will I know if I'm enlightened?

Humpty Dumpty was pushed.

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the King's
horses and all the King's men had scrambled eggs for the next four weeks.

Hypochondria is the one disease I haven't got.

I am not aware that any community has the right to force another to be
civilised. #donated by Jason McQuoid

I am not young enough to know everything.

 I bet you I could stop gambling.

I can resist everything except temptation.

I couldn't care less about apathy.

I didn't believe in reincarnation the last time either.

I don't make jokes - I just watch the government and report the facts.

If you don't take care of your customer, someone else will. #donated by Roger
Pallant

I have a drinking problem - I can't afford it.

I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.

I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception. #donated by Jack
Szewach

I never met a carbohydrate I didn't like.

I never used to be able to finish anything, but now I

I think sex is better than logic but I can't prove it.

I think, therefore I am. I think.

I think, therefore I'm not a politician.

I used to be conceited but now I'm absolutely perfect.

I used to use cliches all the time but now I avoid them like the plague.

I went to a restaurant that was so expensive that they didn't have prices on the
menu - just little faces with varying expressions of horror.

I wish I were what I was when I wished I were what I am now.

I wouldn't be paranoid if people didn't pick on me.

I'd be a pessimist, but it wouldn't work anyway.


I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

If a job's worth doing, the Japanese have probably already done it.

If a man could have half his wishes, he would double his troubles.

If at first you don't succeed, have you considered becoming a personnel officer?

If at first you don't succeed, so much for sky-diving.

If all the year were playing holidays, to sport would be as tedious as to
work. #donated by Cliff Lemmings

If at first you don't succeed, try again - then give up, no sense in being a damn
fool about it.

If everything seems to be going well, you obviously don't know what is going on.

If God had meant us to travel economy class, he would have made us narrower.

If I hurry I'll be late.

If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.

If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins.

If people looked like their passport photos, very few nations would let them in.

If somebody tries to explain something to you and you still don't understand, that
is not your fault. It is his.

If Superman is so smart why does he wear his underpants outside his
trousers? #donated by Kevin Hadley

If the first person who answers the phone can't answer your question, it's a
bureaucracy.

If the human brain was simple enough for us to understand we'd be so simple we
couldn't.

If there was any logic in this world, it would be men who ride side-saddle, not
women.

If there were no clouds, we wouldn't enjoy the sun.

If they give you lined paper, write across 'em.

If voting changed anything, they'd make it illegal.

If whales are so damned clever why do they keep swimming near Japan?

If you can't beat them with brains, baffle them with bull.

If you drop a jam sandwich onto the floor, the probability of it landing jammy side
down is directly proportional to the cost of the floor covering.

If you explain something so clearly that nobody can misunderstand, somebody will.

If you give a woman an inch she'll park a car in it.

If you keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, you don't understand
the problem.

If you keep your mouth shut you'll never put your foot in it.

If you laid all the economists in the world end to end they'd never reach a
conclusion.

If you never lie, you don't have to remember anything.

If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys.

If you think your wife's jewellery is an investment, try selling a few pieces.

If you want to walk the streets safely at night, carry a projector and the slides from
your last holiday.

If you wish to please people, you must begin by understanding them.

If you're not confused, you're misinformed.

If you're feeling good, don't worry, you'll get over it.

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem.

Impeccable: Having immunity to woodpeckers.

In any organisation, everyone rises to the level of his own incompetence.

In a world of individuals, how can there be comparisons? #donated by Jason
McQuoid


In defeat he was indomitable, in victory insufferable.

In good software, the simple things should be easy, and the complicated things
should be possible.

In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don't need one.

In six days the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea and all that is in them - he
was self-employed.

In the beginning was the word. And the word was "Aardvark".

In the long run we are all dead.

Increased profits mean more work for everyone.

Inflation rates testify to the worldwide popularity of wishful thinking.

Irish cocktail: A pint of Guiness with a potato in it.

It is better to live rich than to die rich.

It is difficult to win an argument when your opponent is unencumbered with a
knowledge of the facts.

It is impossible to make things foolproof, because fools are so ingenious.

It is now proved beyond all doubt that smoking is one of the leading causes of
statistics.

It is true that liberty is precious - so precious it must be rationed.

It must have taken a lot of courage to discover that frog's legs are edible.

It takes two to make a marriage: A girl and her mother.

It was as colourful as a black hole...

It was as dark as the inside of a cabinet minister....

It's better to give than to lend, and it costs about the same.

I saw a beggar leaning on his wooden crutch, He said to me, 'You must not ask
for too much', I saw a pretty woman leaning in her darkened door, She cried to
me, 'Hey - why not ask for more.' COHEN. #donated by Seth Prokop


James Bond rules OOK.

Jesus Saves - but Maradona scores on the rebound. #donated by Aaron Spells

Join the army, meet interesting people, and kill them. #donated by Peter Lamb

Join the Hernia Society. It needs your support.

Journalists are born. Why, nobody knows.

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not all out to get you.

Just think - maybe the Joneses are trying to keep up with you.

Keep death off the roads. Drive on the pavement.

Keep things as they are. Vote for the Sado-Masochist Party.

Killing the dog will not cure the bite.

Laugh, and the world laughs with you; snore, and you snore alone.

Law may not change the heart, but it can restrain the heartless.

Laziness is no good unless it is well carried out.

Legalise telepathy. - I knew you were going to say that.

Let everyone sweep in front of his own door, and the whole world will be clean.

Letter to a friend from a man in a diet clinic: Help! Send me a file with a cake in
it.

Life can be tragic - here today, here tomorrow.

Life is a hereditary disease.

Life is just a bowl of toenails.

Life is just one damned thing after another.

Life was a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave.

Lions 7, Christians 0.

Little strokes fell great oaks.

Little white lies are for golfers.

Living in the lap of luxury isn't bad, except you never know when luxury is going
to stand up.

Living in the past has one thing in its favour - it's cheap.

Love built on beauty, soon as beauty dies.

Love ceases to be a pleasure when it ceases to be a secret.

Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache.

Love is a many-gendered thing.

Love thy neighbour, but be sure her husband is away.

Macho does not prove mucho.

Make your M.P. work - don't re-elect him.

Man is planned obsolescence.

Manuel rules, Oh - Que?

Many a man has caught his death of a cold getting up in the middle of the night
to go home to his wife.

Many men fancy that what they experience they also understand.

Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.

Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.

Mediocrity is excellence to the mediocre.

Middle age is when wherever you go you take a jumper.

Middle age is when you burn the midnight oil around 9:00 pm.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Money never made a fool of anybody; it only shows 'em up.

Monogamy leaves a lot to be desired.

Mrs. Murphy's Law: If it can go wrong it will, while HE'S out of town.

Murphy's best friend was a computer. #donated by Tsu-pei Chen

My greatest fear in life is that no-one will remember me after I'm dead. #donated
by whats his name?

My inferiority complex isn't as good as yours.

My Uncle Fred died of asbestosis - it took six months to cremate the poor bugger.

Neurotics build castles in the air. Psychotics live in them. Psychiatrists charge the
rent.

Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

Never hit a man when he's down. You may find he's bigger than you when he gets
up.

Never let your studies interfere with your education.

Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.

Nihilism means nothing to me.

No family should ever attempt a car trip if the children outnumber the windows.

No good deed goes unpunished.

No man goes before his time. Unless, of course, the boss leaves early.

No man would listen to you talk if he didn't know it was his turn next.

No one gets into trouble without his own help.

No two persons ever read the same book.

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

Not a shred of evidence exists in favour of the idea that life is serious.

Not enough is being done for the apathetic.


Northern Ireland has a problem for every solution.

Nobody can bring you peace but yourself.

Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.

Nothing is so firmly believed as that of which we know least.

Nothing so needs reforming as other peoples habits.

Nothing you put in a banana split is as fattening as a spoon.

Objectivity is in the eyes of the beholder.

OK, so I'm cured of schizophrenia, but where am I now when I need me?

Old doctors never die. They just lose their patients.

Old fishermen never die. They just smell that way.

Old lawyers never die. They just lose their appeal.

Old plumbers never die. They just go down the drain.

Old professors never die. They just lose their faculties.

Old teachers never die. They just lose their class.

One of the advantages of being disorderly is that you're always making exciting
discoveries.

One of the times when silence annoys is when the car engine won't start.

One of these days is none of these days.

One thing men can't understand about women is how well women understand
men.

Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile.

Only a mediocre person is always at his best.

Only the guy who isn't rowing has time to rock the boat.

Only the young die good.


Our characters are the result of our conduct. Aristotle

Our customer's paper work is profit. Our own paper work is loss.

Owing to lack of interest tomorrow has been cancelled.

Paradox: A truth standing on its head to attract attention.

Peace cannot be kept by force, it can only be kept by understanding. Einstein

People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.

Persuasion rules OK - just this once?

Please don't throw your cigarette butts on the floor - the cockroaches are getting
cancer.

Politics is the art of making it sound as if Father Christmas comes earlier in the
year.

Politics is the art of the possible.

Power corrupts - absolute power is even more fun.

Predestination was doomed to failure from the start.

Prepare to meet thy God. (Evening dress optional)

Procrastinate now!

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

Procrastination will rule one day, O.K.?

Progress is like a wheelbarrow - if you don't keep pushing it stops.

Promises are like babies: fun to make, but hell to deliver.

Pseudo-intellectual: One who knows what "pseudo" means.

Psychologists say people with hobbies are not likely to go crazy - but this doesn't
apply to the people they live with.

Psychology: Getting habits out of a rat.

Quasimodo - that name rings a bell.

Queen Elizabeth rules UK.

The believability of the printed word is directly proportional to the thickness
of the covers in which it is bound. #donated by David Myer

Racial prejudice: A pigment of the imagination.

Reality is for people who can't cope with drugs.

Recursion: see Recursion.

Remember that opportunity is a dare - not a door.

Remember that failure is when you give up.

Remember that this is the recession that we had to have. Paul Keating. #donated
by B. Hawke

Religion is man's attempt to communicate with the weather.

Remorse is the period between one hangover and another.

Research is an organised method for keeping you reasonably dissatisfied with what
you have.

Roget's Thesaurus dominates, regulates, rules, OK, all right, adequately.

Rugby is a game played by gentlemen with odd shaped balls.

Rush hour: The hour when the traffic is almost at a standstill.

Safecracker: One without tuna on it.

Save energy - be apathetic.

Sceptics, may or may not rule, O.K.

Schizophrenia rules, OK, OK.

Self-made men can be glaring examples of unskilled labour.

Sign on Antique Shop: Come in and buy what your grandmother threw away.

Silence is better than unmeaning words.


Silence is not always golden; sometimes it is yellow.

Smart people speak from experience. Smarter people, from experience, don't
speak.

Snobbery is the pride of those who are not sure of their position.

Some day my ship will come in, and with my luck I'll be at the airport.

Some days the only good things on TV are the vase and clock.

Some folks are wise, and some are otherwise.

Some people are like blisters. They never appear until the work is done.

Sometimes the message has to be blunt so you will see the point.

Spanish punks rule, ole!

Stamp out quicksand.

Standing on your dignity is a very insecure footing.

Sterility is hereditary.

Stop the world, I want to get off.

Streakers beware - your end is in sight.

Success has ruined many a good man.

Sudden prayers make God jump.

Suicide is the sincerest form of self-criticism.

Support your local taxidermist. Get stuffed.

Suppose they held a war and nobody came?

Sycophancy rules - if it's OK by you.

Synonyms govern, all right.

Take as much as you want, put back more than you take. #donated by Seth
Prokop


Television: A medium. So called because it is neither rare nor well done.

Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him
a seat has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure.

Tell the truth, and so puzzle and confound your adversaries.

Thank God I'm an atheist.

The absent are never without fault, nor the present without excuse.

The amateur is the one with all the answers.

The amount of sleep needed by the average person is ten minutes more.

The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.

The average woman talks 50 per cent more than her husband listens.

The Basic Law of Budgets: You can only spend it once.

The best-laid plans of mice and men are in the files SOMEWHERE.

The best things in life are duty free.

The big thing today is computer dating. If you don't know how to run a computer it
really dates you.

The camel is a horse designed by a committee.

The cops are ALWAYS around when you DON'T want them.

The day will happen whether or not you get up.

The days of good English has went.

The decision is maybe and that's final.

The difference between a used car salesman and a computer salesman is that the
used car salesman knows when he's telling lies.

The easiest way to stay awake during an after-dinner speech is to deliver it.

The evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' - and then proceed to
tell you why it isn't.


The existence of a market does not guarantee the existence of a customer.

The fundamental solvency of a company is inversely proportional to the opulence
of its head office.

The fundamental problem of representative government is that the people who
would be best for the job least want it, and vice versa.

The golden age never was the present age.

The Golden Rule: He who has the gold, makes the rules.

The government claims it's following the will of the people. I didn't even know
we'd died!

The grass is always greener on the other fellow's grave.

The grass is brown on both sides of the fence.

The graveyards are full of indispensable men.

The hangman let me down.

The highest reward for a person's effort is not what they get from it, but what they
become by it. #donated by Hamish Robertson

The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.

The kids who believe in Santa Claus are the ones who grow up and play the
horses.

The Liberal Party is the cream of society. Thick, rich and full of clots.

The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an oncoming train.

The long weekend was created because it's impossible to cram all the bad weather
into two days.

The longest day soon comes to an end.

The postman bringeth and the garbo taketh away.

The main purpose of children's parties is to remind you that there are children more
awful than your own.

The man who lives in the past, robs the present.

The money saved for a rainy day now buys a smaller umbrella.

The most difficult thing is to know how to do a thing and to watch someone else
doing it wrong, without commenting.

The most gratifying feature about death is that you won't have to get up in the
morning.

The nice thing about being a celebrity is that when you bore people they think it's
their fault. #donated by Annabelle Gris

The nice thing about standards is that there are so many to choose from.

The only job where you start at the top is digging a hole.

The only people who never fail are those who never try.

The only thing I ever learned from experience was that I'd just made another
mistake.

The only thing most people do better than anyone else is read their own
handwriting.

The only thing wrong with doing nothing is you never know when you're finished.

The only way to make something completely foolproof is to keep it away from
fools.

The other queue always moves faster.

The price of justice is eternal publicity.

The public servant's motto: It's slower to do it quickly, It's more expensive to do
it cheaply,  And it's more democratic to do it in secret.

The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.

The right to be left alone is indeed the beginning of all freedom.

The rising tide lifts all the boats.

The secret of being a bore is to tell everybody.

The shortest distance between two points depends on who is giving the directions.


The shortest distance between two points is under repair.

The shortest perceivable length of time is the period between the light turning
green and the taxi driver behind you honking his horn.

The solution to a problem changes the nature of the problem.

The squeaky wheel doesn't always get the oil. Sometimes it gets replaced.

The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.

The trouble with learning from experience is that the test comes first and the
lesson afterwards.

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

The trouble with political jokes is they get elected.

The upper crust are just a bunch of crumbs sticking together.

The urgent always crowds out the important.

The welfare of the people is the ultimate law.

The writing on the wall usually means there's at least one small child in the family.

They can conquer who believe they can.

They think I'm paranoid. They all talk about it behind my back.

There are no uninteresting things, only uninterested people.

There are three sides to every argument: your side, my side and the right side.

There are three sorts of people: Those who make things happen, those who watch
things happen, and those who never knew what hit them.

There are two classes of people: Those who divide people into two classes,
and those who don't.

There is a theory which states that if anyone ever gets to understand the
universe and how it works it will immediately be replaced by something
even more bizarre and mysterious. There is another theory which states that this
has already happened.

There is always one more bug.

There is just one thing I can promise you about the space program; your taxes will
go further.

There never was a good war or a bad peace.

There's one good thing about baldness. It's neat.

These pills can't be habit-forming; I've been taking them for years.

They say garbage can be made into fuel. Why not? It's already being made into
movies, books and TV shows.

Think!

Those who aspire to a place in the sun must expect blisters.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Those who think money will do everything may well be suspected of doing
everything for money.

Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

To be a good gardener you need a sense of humus.

To be rich is not the end, but only a change of worries.

To be wise and love exceeds Man's might. #Shakespeare

To do anything worthwhile you have to push limits.

To do nothing is the way to be nothing.

To error is human. To really foul things up requires a computer.

To escape criticism - do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.

To get a loan from a bank you have to first prove that you don't need one.

To know where you can find a thing is the chief part of learning.

Tomorrow is cancelled due to lack of interest.


Too bad all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxi cabs
and cutting hair.

Too much of a good thing is wonderful.

Two people in every one are schizophrenic.

Universal peace sounds ridiculous to the head of an average family.

Utopia: 1987 wages, 1932 prices, 1910 taxes.


Vampires are a pain in the neck.

Vote Anarchist.

Waterbeds are cutting down the incidence of adultery - ever tried to crawl under
one?

We all are born mad. Some remain so.....

We are cold to others only when we are dull in ourselves.

We can't do everything at once, but we can do something at once.

We live behind our faces, while they front for us.

We must believe in luck, for how else can we explain the success of those we
don't like?

We should take sex off the TV and movie screens and put it back in the back seats
of cars where it belongs.

We think our fathers fools, so wise we grow; Our wiser sons, no doubt, will think
us so. Pope

What did the Irishman call his pet zebra? Spot.

What do you get if you cross a turtle with a chicken? I don't know, but you have
to saw the eggs open.

What is a weed? A plant whose virtues have not yet been discovered.

What is moral is what you feel good about after.

What is this life if, full of care, we have no time to stand and stare?.

What the world needs is more geniuses with humility - there are so few of us left.

What this country needs is someone who knows what this country needs.

What's apathy?  I don't know, and I don't care.

What's the difference between parliament and a kindergarten? A kindergarten has
adult supervision.

When all else fails, read the documentation.


When did a lawyer ever file a brief that was?

When I did well, I heard it never. When I did ill, I heard it ever.

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

Where there's a swill there's a sway.

Where there's a will there are five hundred relatives.

Why be disagreeable, when with a little effort you can be impossible?

Why does a dentist ask you if it hurts only when you can't answer?

Why is it that political leaders don't seem to have all the answers until they write
their memoirs?

Why is the King of Hearts the only one without a moustache?

Why should we do anything for Posterity? What's he ever done for us?

Willpower is the ability to eat ONE salted peanut.

Wine does not intoxicate men; men intoxicate themselves.

Wisdom is not knowing what to do now, but what to do next.

Women over thirty are at their best, but men over thirty are too old to recognise it.

Women who seek equality with men lack ambition.

Women's libbers should be put behind bras.


Work expands to fit the time available for its completion.

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.

Yesterday an egg, tomorrow a feather duster!

Yesterday I couldn't spell "computer programmer". Now I are one.

Yorick is a numb skull.

You are only what you are when no one is looking.

You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to float on his back you have
something.

You can fool some of the people all the time, and all of the people some of the
time, but you can't fool all the people all the time.

You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.

You can't buy happiness - but at least if you have money you can be miserable in
comfort.

You can't tell a book by its movie.

You know you're in a recession when your neighbour's out of work. You know
you're in a depression when you're out of work. You know you're out of the
depression when Bob Hawke's out of work.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

It's okay to miss your first wife as long as your aim is improving

There is no good time. #donated by Jock Noble

Free Speech: Using someone else's telephone.

Fear is an illusion.

No one ever sat their way to success

The closest I came to perfection was when I wrote my Resume.

Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.

To his dog, every man is Napoleon. Hence the popularity of Dogs.

Diamond: A chunk of coal that made good under pressure.

There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it.

All good things come to those who DON'T wait.

In chaos lies opportunity.

Expert: Someone that takes a subject you understand and makes it sound
confusing.

Within every problem hides the solution.

We don't know one millionth of one percent about anything. Edison

Imagination is more important than knowledge. Einstein

Dad: A bank provided by nature.

Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.

To have a friend, be a friend.

Some goals are so worthy, it's glorious even to fail.

Well done is better than well said.

One man with courage is a majority.

Love is a mirror. Seth Prokop

None as so old as those that have outlived enthusiasm.

It's better to die on your feet than live on your knees

The future belongs to those who believe in the Beauty of their dreams.

Doctor: The only person that enjoys poor health.

When you have faults, do not fear to abandon them.

A friend is a person that knows everything about you and still likes you.

Greater than the tread of mighty armies is an idea whose time has come.


Justice is truth in action.

Knowledge is power.

The future is now.

A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds.

Credit Card: What you use to buy today what you can't afford tomorrow while
your still paying for yesterday.

There is no education like adversity.

Happiness is contagious

There is a better way to do it. Find it.

No one ever hurt their eyes by looking at the bright side of life.

Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid.

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

Bigamist: A man that leads a double wife.

Knowing your destination is half the journey.

Plan for the future, because that is where your going to spend the rest of your life.

The only time you realise you have a reputation is when you fail to live up to it.

Impossible: Something that nobody can do until somebody does it.

Whether you believe you can, or believe you can't, you are right.

Make things as simple as possible, but no simpler.

We're overpaying him, but he's worth ever cent.

Anyone that goes to a psychiatrist needs their head examined.

All generalisations are dangerous, even this one.

Adults are obsolete children. Dr Seuss

The best way to win an argument is to start by being right.

The city is not a concrete jungle, its a human zoo.

Celebrity: A peron that works hard to become famous, then wears dark glasses to
avoid being recognised.

There will be no judges, only witness's to your glory. #donated by Nick Mullins

All men are equal, but some are more equal than others.

Several excuses are always less convincing than one.

Home: A place where a man can say what he likes, because no-one listens to him
anyway.

A friend in need is a friend to be avoided.

Some think football is a matter of life and death. I can assure you it is much more
serious than that.

The history of the world is a record of man in quest for his daily bread and butter.

Hollywood: The place where the inmates run the asylum.

I love mankind, it's people I can't stand.

Money is not everything, usually that isn't even enough.

Pessimist: A person that looks both ways when crossing a one way street.

I worked my way up from nothing to a state of absolute poverty.

Small is beautiful.

I hate to spread rumours, but what else can you do with them.

It's not enough to succeed. Others must fail.

Truth is a rare and precious commodity. We must be sparing in its use.

Violence is the language of the illiterate.

Solicitor: A person that makes sure they get what coming to you.

I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people that annoy me.


As soon as you stop wanting something, you get it.

Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good cover up.

They say hard work never hurt anybody, but why take the chance.

Be nice to people on the way up, because you may need their help on the way
down.

Work hard for eight hours a day, and eventually you may become a boss and be
able to work twelve.

The way to get things done is by not worrying about who gets the credit for doing
it.

Remember, it's as easy to marry a rich woman as a poor woman.

It takes two to make a marriage succeed and only one to make it fail.

When I'm caught between two evils, I take the one I've never tried.

You can't think rationally on an empty stomach, and a lot of people can't do it on a
full one either.

Golf is a good walk spoiled.

Words are the most powerful drug used by mankind.

When I'm good I'm very good, and when I'm bad I'm better. #donared by Fiona
Lock

You know, she speaks ten languages, and she can't say 'NO' in any of them.

It is better to forget, than remember and regret.

I'm as pure as the driven slush.

A promise made is a dept unpaid.

You cannot fight against the future. Time is on our side.

It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.

When the rich wage war, its the poor who die.

All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening.

A teacher is someone who, in their youth, admired teachers.

A good lawyer is a bad neighbour.

I thought I'd taught my son right from wrong, until he became a parking inspector.

If you can actually count your money, you are not really a rich man.

I am free of prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

Happiness is no laughing matter.

Absurdity: A statement of belief inconsistent with one's own opinion.

If you have to ask yourself whether your happy, your not.

The only things to regret are the things you never did.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work, I want to achieve it through
not dying.

It had only one fault. It was useless.

He that has no children brings them up well.

Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight.

Old men are dangerous. It doesn't matter to them what is going to happen to the
world.

A man is only as old as the woman he feels.

Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long time.

Gossip: Something that runs down more people than cars.

I base everything on the idea that all men are basically just seven years old.
#donated by Jacque Meggs

Youth is a wonderful thing. It's such a shame its wasted on the young.

We call our baby 'Coffee' because he keeps us awake all night.

Anybody that hates children and dogs can't be all that bad.


Tact: The ability to describe others as they see themselves.

Experience is what enables you to make the same mistake again without getting
caught.

There ought to be a better way to start the day than by getting up in the morning.

Thanks to the rising cost of living, I'm now starving on the income I once dreamed
about.

I don't mind going to work. I don't mind coming home. It's the bit in between that I
don't like.

Our computer doesn't actually do anything, its just their to blame for our mistakes.

On the day of victory no fatigue is felt.

He that is afraid to shake the dice will never through a six.

Hitch your wagon to a star.

Desk: A waste paper basket with drawers.

A committee is a group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the
unnecessary.

Education: What is left after you have forgotten everything you've been taught.

You know you've reached middle age when your exercise program consists merely
of standing up.

If you have always done it that way, it's probably wrong.

Opportunities are usually disguised as hard work, so most people don't recognise
them.

If you don't want to work, you have to work to earn enough money so that you
don't have to work.

Collision: What happens when two motorists go after the same pedestrian.

Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust
upon them.

Happy is the man who can make a living from his hobby.


He who is over-cautious will accomplish little.

If you want the last word in an argument, say 'Yes your right'.

Economist: One who tells you what to do with your money after you've spent it.

Estate agents have two types of house. The ones you don't want and the ones you
can't afford.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

The first lesson in self defence is to keep your glasses on.

Every time I start thinking that the world is moving too fast, I go to the Post Office.

Have you ever noticed that wrong numbers are never busy?

Necessity: A luxury you bought on credit.

A thing of beauty is a joy forever.

Confidence is simply that quiet, assured feeling you have just before you fall flat on
your face.

Pay no attention to what the critics say. A statue has never been erected in honour
of a critic.

If your feeling down, just remember that the sun sinks every night - but it raises
again in the morning.

Recession: A period when you go without things your grandparents never heard of.

Jury: Twelve people who determine which side has the best Lawyer.

Envy is an admission of inferiority.

Blessed he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.

Only a fool tests the depth of the water with both feet first.

No nation is so poor that it cannot afford free speech.

There is a sufficiency in the world for man's need, but not his greed.

Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to someone else.


To entertain some people all you have to do is listen to them.

When you go to buy, never show your silver.

Don't let yesterday take up to much of today.

Conscience: The thing that makes you tell your wife before somebody else does.